What if something happens and I am half a world away?

I am on my way to volunteer in Africa as a solo female. Would you do it?

What if nothing happens and I stayed?

I go through this every single time that I go on a big trip. I am not sure which of the two questions scares me more. I’ve talked to a lot of people who say they fell trap to feel like they always had more time to travel later and then did not. I tend to be of the mindset that the clock is ticking and there will not be time later. I am not just this way about traveling, but about doing anything in life that is a goal for me. I feel this pressure even more because of a chronic autoimmune disease that I have. It threatens to take away my mobility before getting old. I would love to count on the idea of traveling when I am retired but the reality is this may not be an option for me. So, I go now, while I am young(ish) and mobile.

Leaving MSP to go to Africa. YOLO.

The biggest concern for me right now is my grandfather. I do not know why, and I promise I do not have premonitions or psychic abilities, but I worry about something happening to him so much that I have had several dreams about. I am in Africa and get the call, something happens to grandpa or that he has passed. He’s 90, it’s not out of the question. Grandma passed a few years ago. However, you wouldn’t really believe he’s 90 if you met him. He is in great shape, stays busy, and insists on being independent. It’s just a thing I keep worrying about for most likely, no reason.

Then there is my husband and children. What if something happens to them when I am gone? No plane in the world goes fast enough when you are in that situation.

I bet I forgot something.

 Refer to my previous blog post about what I packed for Africa to see just how ridiculous this statement is. The safer bet would be that I did not forget anything and again, I am insane. However, I always do this. I pack way too much because I assume something will come up that I am unprepared for and it would be the end of the world. What generally happens instead is that I have well overpacked and do not use a lot of the things I have brought with. However, it keeps my back game strong and allows me to incorporate all of those years of Tetris skills I developed.

You are too old for this, grow up Rachael.

Photoshopped off all of my old lady wrinkles, thoughts? I think it kind of looks like a plastic surgery gone wrong.

 You aren’t some sassy college-aged student, aged being the key word here as I am still sassy and still in college. You cannot just go live out of a backpack all around the world. I mean, you have a mortgage and your own health insurance! Get a grip. I do not really think any of this is true. However, leading up to a trip, I hear this kind of crap from people so much to the point where you find yourself defending a trip. I am tired of doing that. I am not quite sure why people always feel like they need to weigh in if I want to go somewhere and volunteer. As much as I try to brush that off and know their opinions are irrelevant, some of it leaks in the old thinker sometimes and I wonder if they are right.

What if something happens to you?

So I will confess, I listen to this podcast called Locked Up Abroad, that was based on a TV show. I tell myself that it is so I learn from that and do not do the things people on this show did to land themselves in jail in a foreign country. Some of them are downright stupid and were smuggling drugs or something. Some were mistaken and locked up for reasons they were unaware of. If I am being honest, this does not teach me anything and really serves as a fear fueler. I think about being arrested in a foreign country a lot. Just to be clear, it has not happened yet and so, this is silly too.

The more likely of situations is that I have a lupus attack while I am not home. They are happening more frequently lately. When this happens, I cannot move. I cannot pick up my own head myself and my husband usually has to help me get up or get dressed. When you are traveling alone, what do you do in this situation? I guess you figure it out. I do have a real fear of going to hospitals in a foreign country, especially Africa. I have read that a lot of HIV/AIDS victims contracted this through their local medical provider, needles or blood transfusions. I just do not need that in my life. I prepare by having my doctors give me a brick supply of drugs the hospitals at home would normally give me if I were in an attack. The problem is, it happened the week of my trip. I did not want to cancel or go to the hospital, in which case my husband or boss might have tried to convince me to cancel, and I broke into the supply while still at home. That is our little secret now. I am currently in the plane going over Manchester now, so it’s too late suckers!

First morning views in Nairobi

For the people that are worried I will be robbed, kidnapped, murdered, or drugged, whatever their concerns are, I would argue that first, these things can happen at home. Second, I do research my destinations and

Driving to the Airport in Minnesota

My husband always insists on driving me to the airport himself, even though it would be cheaper and more convenient for me to just get a cab or an Uber. He takes the time off work to do this. I can always tell it starts getting real for him. This is happening. It’s the moment where it is real for me too. He’s usually a pretty quiet person in general, except for with me. On these rides though, he is really quiet. He is not the only one who responds like this. At work, people say goodbye to me like I am going to go

walk the plank. Maybe he worries that one of these times, I might not make it back. I do not know, he does not say that.

The kids usually say goodbye to me like they are going to school and will see me later that day. I usually have to remind them it will be several weeks. They are so busy with everything and this is by design. I go this time of year because they are just going back to school and busy with their sports. I know they will be fine but you just cannot help but worry.

Gigantic Table in Amsterdam Airport. BTW, is AMS in Netherlands, Denmark, or Holland. It is not clear. Need to research this later.

Wormy

Wormy is a small cow figurine that my daughter got for me to take with me on this trip. She wants me to bring Wormy everywhere and take photos of him in Africa. Why is this small cow named Wormy you ask? Well, because my children are just as strange as their mother.

Wormy is loving the sunrise

Would you look at that? Here comes the sun, do-it doo-doo.

If you are ready to start talking seriously about doing something like this, which I definitely think is a super decision, call my friends at World Endeavors. They have taken great care of me on my trips!